Watermelon Seeds

(*Be forewarned: Not a very happy post, until it gets toward the end)

Wah! Tomorrow is Valentine's Day!

*eek* All the girls are going to be carrying armfuls of roses and chocolates after classes end... and me? I am going to be carrying my textbooks & maybe helping Rameera carry the flowers that cannot fit into her hands. Hahaha!

What should I occupy my mind with tomorrow? Aiyer.. this is the only truly honest post I have ever posted, I think... like really regardless of what people may say after they read this. Hmm... well, this is why some people keep their blog addresses really private - so that they can go all emo and word wouldn't spread like Indo forest fires. But me - nooOoo I have to go overly-enthusiastic about having a weblog, and promote it like a Josh Groban concert all over the place. As a result of that, I usually censor all the blunt/harsh/potentially hurtful statements out of my posts. Or anything that reveals too much about myself.

Hmm.. don't get me wrong, I really love having my friends read my blog -- regardless of whether they are some of my best friends, or friends who I haven't spoken to in years. And I guess it's worth it - buttering up my words a little here and there, to keep this a publicly neutral blog (as neutral as a teenager can get it to be ;P).

But Valentine's Day can get pretty depressing, no? Actually I never really thought much about it before, because I always had a gazillion friends who sent presents left, right, and centre -- it was more of a "Friendship Day" in school! Nobody was ever left out! But now, there are no concrete school rules to shelter us from the reality that this is actually Valentine's Day - where couples can publicly canoodle and people can just laugh instead of give them funny looks. Aih! It's quite fun to watch everyone, really, if I were invisible.

Or am I just being really paranoid (as usual)? When I was 13, I wrote this poem called "Paradox of Time" (I think it was the best poem I have ever written in my whole life, haha, even compared to the ones I wrote at 16, 17 :S) -- and I said something about the "What If"s that "ran too much at once" in a teenager's mind. I think I probably understood more about myself when I was 13 than I do now. Maybe age and time just confuses me! haha! (Really, a large part of me believes that education ruined me :P)...

So, the usual questions that a lot of girls are probably thinking about tonight (the girls without boyfriends or not-so-secret admirers la, that is):
1) What if EVERY other girl has roses/presents from guys tomorrow?
2) What if EVERY other girl is seen walking with a guy tomorrow?
3) (Fill in blank yourself)... etc..etc..

We'll see tomorrow if the things we worry about actually come true!

...................... I promise I'll blog more cheerfully next time! LOLLies!

Additional Anti Antidepressants (meaning depressants):
1) Moral Quiz results back - 6.5 over 10. WoOT! I actually studied for it, and still did so badly!
2) Econs Common Test results almost back - apparently 10 students in my class failed. .... I fear a lot of things.
3) SPM results coming out on February 27th (according to Jaya).. *scream*..

..................... but still not a crap day, despite me highlighting all the worrying aspects of February 13th!

Additional Actual Antidepressants (meaning what it means):
1) I made my first tuna filling today. Whee! It's all good, people! But after I finished crushing the hard-boiled egg, my hand felt like it had persevered through 5000 words in writing.
2) Walking home buddies are a hoot! Three cheers for Nicholas Liew and Adrian Yam! They also scared me half to death by telling me scary death tales related to our neighbourhood. What la.. hahah...
3) Mingzie makes me laugh. On the bus. Loudly. (Apparently I am very loud on the bus. Yes, I think that may be right. Haha! I have no proper volume control. I actually try to beat the sound of the engine rumbling & cars passing.. and I usually succeed. That's how loud, LOL!)
4) Rameera is so sweet. Whee~
5) Texted Sue-Mae today! Yay! Had so much fun contacting her again!
6) I can do my ESL not badly. :) I have the chance to help my classmates if they need me!
7) Photostatting guy in library is kind to me. Lucky ok! Can get your book done first even though you weren't there first, etc. Hehe!
8) Love my blue denim jacket. Been wearing it incessantly. Mum just washed it. Hehe, but it's bound to get worn out real soon!
9) Chu Jie thinks I look mixed British-Chinese. Whoa. That's new!
10) Just found out that great grandmother from Western China, not Northern China. Western China, blue eyes because mixed with the Turkish/or something. Wha wha. But Mummy says the quantity of mixed blood in my blood would be equivalent to the size of a watermelon seed. Haha!